anticipation
i wanted to grow up
now i wish i could grow down
i’m acting like a little kid
dancing like a clown
there’s simplicity in summer
and i can’t wait to taste it
time flies no matter what
is it ever really wasted?
rye beach
i came here every summer as a kid
it’s the same and different all at once
the smell of the ocean
the hydrangea-lined streets
the hot beach club planks under my feet
just how I remember
but things have changed too
there’s a white coat paint on the old barn
less seashells on the beach
and everyone’s older
people i might’ve known if we’d come back
the peace i feel is the same
and though i’m a summer person
and it’s only one week
part of it feels like home
i’m not ready
“this might be his last time at the beach”
don’t tell me to start thinking of lasts
air fresheners
the smell nauseated me
like strong detergent
or cheap candles
every handle in the car was draped in little trees
stacked neatly, ducks in a row
assaulting me with scent
without my consent
the air was hot
but i didn’t open my mouth
or my window
i sweltered
i stewed
in “peach ginger spritz”
until the ten minutes was up
and i was finally home
cutting my hair
“what possessed you to do that?”
well they toiled,
they begged,
they wanted it so
it’s just hair on my head
who am i to say no?
once i cut it, they left
dressed up in my curls
you think i’m possessed,
but i’m just a girl…with a haircut
christmas in july
monday is winter
that’s what he said
so that’s why i’ll stay
snuggled in bed
it doesn’t matter
that it’s mid july
because it feels like christmas
with you by my side
magic mountain
the paint was peeling and the plaster was cracked
but that didn’t stop me from feeling the magic in a place i loved once
from kissing you on the plaster rocks, leaning on our putters
breeze blowing through the empty motel parking lot behind us
from racing you in my go kart
i heard your motor quiet when you saw i fell behind
from poorly playing “deal or no deal”
“ticket malfunction” the screen read in the end
it wasn’t perfect, but neither are we
i don’t care what we’re doing
as long as you’re with me
diary of a 20 something 
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